If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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