her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
