Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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