Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
