i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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