If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think a kid would responsible me up
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
