i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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