just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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