you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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