I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
then he tried to convert me to islam
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
