my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
