Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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