He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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