I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
