Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
