Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i will never coherently bang her
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
