one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
