hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
