This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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