just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
