week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
