dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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