you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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