I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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