she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
