We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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