We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
