this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
