if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
