I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think my moral compass just broke
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
