I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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