Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
