I wish I only lived at night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We're too hungover to prance.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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