He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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