The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
