I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
