I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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