Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
