Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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