He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
