i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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