I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
