For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
