yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
