she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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