I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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