the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
