eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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