Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
