Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
