I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
