Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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