I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't think brook has ever known best
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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