On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
