I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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