Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
