i just google imaged poop.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
