TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
