Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize