my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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