you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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