So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
