He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
