You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
