I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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