just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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