Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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