your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
