Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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