if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
