I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
