my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize