Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
