I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
