I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
