After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
