My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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