Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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